Posts Tagged With: God

Loose Fingers

Is it kind of weird that this is the only way I know how to describe a discipline God has been calling me to? I don’t think it’s anything new, and it probably isn’t as big of a struggle for other people.

But for me? It’s a biggie.

I mean, hello, just think of my post yesterday. I practically lust after calendars. I schedule in moments of sponteneity. I wrestle with God over MY timeline and MY to-do’s more than anything else.

And then there’s this guy.


Now I’m just paraphrasing here, but basically what happens is this rich young ruler (which correlates today to practically all Americans) goes to Jesus and asks what he can do to inherit eternal life. Jesus says “Easy…sell everything and follow me.”

You know the rest of the story. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave his belongings. He couldn’t change his plans. He couldn’t trust in the Lord to provide for his needs. He held on too tightly.

I could go into what I’ve been learning lately about the rest of this story…about how Jesus says it easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven. But I’ll leave that for another day perhaps, because what I’m talking about goes much further than just the money in my wallet.

All of this really started a couple of months ago during a bible study I’m doing bi-weekly. In our discussion of the lesson, what we watch on t.v. came up…and how hard it can be to stop watching something that you know is against the teaching of Christ. I’ve got shows like that in my life, so I shared the example of how everytime I watch “The Real Housewives of Wherever” Chris wants to know why I watch ‘that trash.’ My response was always ‘There’s nothing on.’ or ‘It wouldn’t be that big of a deal for me to stop.’ I knew it was wrong to fill my heart and mind with that chaos.

And yet…I didn’t stop. I was holding too tightly.

See money isn’t bad, nor is the t.v. itself…but anything that I am holding onto so tightly that I can’t drop it the instant Jesus asks me to is a problem.

When a friend has a financial need that I have the means and call to meet, yet I don’t because it doesn’t fit into MY budget…that’s a problem.

When I waste time watching chaotic, worldy shows and won’t have the self-control to stop dvr-ing them…that’s a problem.

When the important people in my life don’t get the help or attention they need because it doesn’t fit int MY schedule…that’s a problem.

When I hold onto hurts and don’t forgive and allow bitterness to creep into my heart…that’s a problem!

In case I haven’t painted the picture clearly enough, let me spell it out. I have a P-R-O-B-L-E-M.

The solution to that problem isn’t elusive…but it isn’t easy either. It goes against my human nature…it fights against my will. The solution is to soften my grip and loosen my fingers…until I’m able to have loose hands.

So that’s what my prayer is. That God would loosen the grip I have on money, on my time, on my feelings, on my thoughts, just on ME in general. Eyes on him, hands open, trusting in Him as he gives and takes away.

That’s all I’m going to say for now…mostly because I feel like I’m rambling and I have so many thoughts swirling in my head at once. To sum it up, I’m a work in progress for sure, but I’m beyond thankful to be saved by grace.

empty hands



P.S. – I went cold turkey…no “Real Housewives” in about 2 months! 😉

Categories: Daily Drama, Lovin' the Lord | Tags: , | 2 Comments

A Jewel in the Rubble

I feel that it is only fitting to write a few thoughts about the 20 darlings & 6 heroes who were victims of a horrific tragedy just a few short days ago. I read a quote a few minutes ago that said “when grief is much, words are little.” It perfectly sums up my thoughts…I’ve been near speechless regarding this loss since I first heard of it.

Friday was a pretty normal kind of day in my own kindergarten classroom. I did have an inkling of trouble in the world outside my own four little walls from initial Facebook posts, but I had no clue of the nature or extent of the devastation. My mother-in-law texted me after school to check on me, and that’s when I first started looking at articles and trying to grasp what was happening.

All I could do was sit in my classroom and cry. Sit there and look around at the scribbled drawings and forgotten jackets and all the marks of little 5 & 6 year old hands and just cry…knowing that all those miles away there were similiar classrooms in chaos. Classrooms where the innocence had been ripped away. Where children had been forced to see things they should never have to see; taken from families who had dropped them off with waves and kisses just hours before. It is nothing but heart breaking and gut wrenching.

It is hard…all but impossible…to digest. The Holy Spirit has been busy in my life this weekend, intervening to God on my behalf….because I find myself at a loss as to what I should even pray. I’ve grappled with my owns feelings of fear and anxiousness…worried about what my students might say today, asking myself the same question so many kids are asking…”Could that happen here? To me?”

All of that thinking, paired with the very little watching/reading I’ve done regarding this tragedy, has led me to find a jewel among the rubble…a tribute I can pay to those whose lives were lost. And so, as I hear talk of the events that unfolded that day, I’ve decided my contribution to the conversation will be this…

Never before in my career have I ever been more proud to be an educator. We get knocked down every day – in the media, by parents, by society, by lawmakers, by ignorant citizens…by people who tell us how we should do our job, by people who think all we do is complain about not making enough money, by people who think we are in it for the summers off and “vacation time.” We struggle to do our job effectively for every student, to fill the gaps and needs they have, to provide for them in ways we are far from trained in with little to no resources.  We sacrifice our time, our money, our families, our sanity, our health…

And then, on Friday, we sacrificed our lives. To read of the heroic teachers who hid their children, then stayed out in an open classroom to throw off the gunman….of teachers who tucked kids away, then cupped their little faces and whispered “I love you” so that gunshots would not be the last thing they heard….of teachers who grabbed children wandering the halls and pulled them to safety, who ushered lines of little ones out the door…all the while instructing them to close their eyes and follow their voice to shield them from the horrific scenes around them.

Teachers who exemplified exactly why we do this job…for the children. It’s all about the children, and the true, deep, sacrificial love we have for them.

I applaud the teachers and administratos for the bravery they displayed that day; I will honor them by loving and teaching and protecting my kids just as they would have done for their own if they were still here, and I will remember them for the sacrifice they made. A sacrifice that they certainly didn’t plan on making when they woke up and got to school that day.

Oh yes. And I’ll say this…

My God is so good. He was good on Thursday, He was good on Friday, and He is good today. We live in a world that is wrecked by sin, a world where 20 babies can be gone without cause or reason, a world of grieving parents and angry spectators and questions. A world of confusion. But my God is a God of peace, and a day is coming when He will restore this earth…a day when He will wipe all tears from our eyes and ease all questions racing through our minds.

My prayers are with the families, teachers, community, and law-enforcement personnel who are in the heart of this tragedy. My prayers are with our nation and government leaders as we move forward. My prayers are with the media, with our schools, and for our souls.

Join me, won’t you?


Categories: Daily Drama, Krazy for Kinder, Lovin' the Lord | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

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