Is it kind of weird that this is the only way I know how to describe a discipline God has been calling me to? I don’t think it’s anything new, and it probably isn’t as big of a struggle for other people.
But for me? It’s a biggie.
I mean, hello, just think of my post yesterday. I practically lust after calendars. I schedule in moments of sponteneity. I wrestle with God over MY timeline and MY to-do’s more than anything else.
And then there’s this guy.
Now I’m just paraphrasing here, but basically what happens is this rich young ruler (which correlates today to practically all Americans) goes to Jesus and asks what he can do to inherit eternal life. Jesus says “Easy…sell everything and follow me.”
You know the rest of the story. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave his belongings. He couldn’t change his plans. He couldn’t trust in the Lord to provide for his needs. He held on too tightly.
I could go into what I’ve been learning lately about the rest of this story…about how Jesus says it easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven. But I’ll leave that for another day perhaps, because what I’m talking about goes much further than just the money in my wallet.
All of this really started a couple of months ago during a bible study I’m doing bi-weekly. In our discussion of the lesson, what we watch on t.v. came up…and how hard it can be to stop watching something that you know is against the teaching of Christ. I’ve got shows like that in my life, so I shared the example of how everytime I watch “The Real Housewives of Wherever” Chris wants to know why I watch ‘that trash.’ My response was always ‘There’s nothing on.’ or ‘It wouldn’t be that big of a deal for me to stop.’ I knew it was wrong to fill my heart and mind with that chaos.
And yet…I didn’t stop. I was holding too tightly.
See money isn’t bad, nor is the t.v. itself…but anything that I am holding onto so tightly that I can’t drop it the instant Jesus asks me to is a problem.
When a friend has a financial need that I have the means and call to meet, yet I don’t because it doesn’t fit into MY budget…that’s a problem.
When I waste time watching chaotic, worldy shows and won’t have the self-control to stop dvr-ing them…that’s a problem.
When the important people in my life don’t get the help or attention they need because it doesn’t fit int MY schedule…that’s a problem.
When I hold onto hurts and don’t forgive and allow bitterness to creep into my heart…that’s a problem!
In case I haven’t painted the picture clearly enough, let me spell it out. I have a P-R-O-B-L-E-M.
The solution to that problem isn’t elusive…but it isn’t easy either. It goes against my human nature…it fights against my will. The solution is to soften my grip and loosen my fingers…until I’m able to have loose hands.
So that’s what my prayer is. That God would loosen the grip I have on money, on my time, on my feelings, on my thoughts, just on ME in general. Eyes on him, hands open, trusting in Him as he gives and takes away.
That’s all I’m going to say for now…mostly because I feel like I’m rambling and I have so many thoughts swirling in my head at once. To sum it up, I’m a work in progress for sure, but I’m beyond thankful to be saved by grace.
KEEP CALM & HAVE LOOSE FINGERS!
P.S. – I went cold turkey…no “Real Housewives” in about 2 months! 😉