Posts Tagged With: Facebook

ROTFL

Hola friends. 🙂 Today I am opening my life even further for your entertainment…we are plunging into “The Facebook Files.”

I randomly stumbled upon 2 years (2006-2008) worth of messages exchanged between myself and my oldest/best friend, K. Over those two years we were seniors in college, then I moved to begin my teaching career and she moved to the city to work on her graduate degree. These messages (which have been edited) are a random sampling of our sarcastic view as we navigated our way into the world of “grownups.”

It should probably be said that everyone thought I was depressed for a large part of 2007.

And that when I get tired, or mad, or depressed, I resort to sarcasm. But in a nerdy way.

Don’t judge us.

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9.6.06

K: Are you FRIGHTENED by the additions to facebook? I think it has hidden cameras and is going to post on the \”mini feed\” when I pee! Geez..I’m a stalker and all if the situation calls for it, but this has gotten out of hand.

9.7.06

H: and about the alcohol….good for you! it’s not like you were an alcoholic, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to quit. I suggest you start hitting chocolate a little harder. The stigma attached with being a chocoholic is not nearly so negative, and you don’t want to take your pants off after you’ve eaten 5 lbs. of chocolate every day for a couple of weeks. Just a thought…

9.28.06

H: ew….so and so’s status says that she is about to pop. LITERALLY. too much.

9.29.06

K: 1–when did \”pop\” become a synonym for \”giving the most precious gift of life\”?

2–i feel you on the resume business. i’m going to a resume seminar next Tuesday. excuse me? they have entire seminars for this? can’t i just say: sonic, chilis, BBBS, and crazy lady? that should work. we ARE OLD.

11.1.06

H: WTF?

 11.2.06

K: HAHA, Since when do you use “WTF”?

11.2.06

H: hahaha…i’ve actually been wanting to use it lately, and i thought it was pretty appropriate.

12.7.06

H: break is going to be super short…after christmas I have a week and a half of break left and then I go student teach. yuck. grown-up schedules suck.

also, i have decided to start writing my phone number like this: 555.555.5555 as opposed to this: 555-555-5555

it looks cooler.

12.7.06

K: That’s what they do on business cards. You’re a freaking professional now. Might as well write your phone number like it.

12.12.06

H: so he deleted my messages. it is better this way. i handled it suprisingly well…he is dead to me.

want to know what i miss though? i would sort of do this “nuzzling” thing to his neck/shoulder area. it sounds cheesy, but that’s what i’ve been
missing lately. i hope that my husband is good to nuzzle.

12.12.06

K: OH MY WORD> ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. ( I no longer abbreviate rofl because I feel at some point we have to grow out of the teenager messenger talk, don’t ya think?) I’m glad he took the deleting step. Now you both have clear facebooks and clear lives. 🙂   I’m sure your husband will respond to your smotherin…uh, “nuzzling”. I miss putting my hands on a hard chest. What am I saying? I don’t miss it. I continue to do it. To random people. Who cares.

12.12.06

H: #1 – It’s a good thing you didn’t put rofl…i wouldn’t have known what it meant. i don’t like to abbreviate things. except for your name.

#2 – How can you hate and love someone at the same time? My love life is such a contradiction.

#3 – I don’t know that I can just go around nuzzling random people…I can’t see that working out for me.

#4 – I hope you didn’t shoot yourself in the head. There are less messy ways to whack yourself.

#5 – I don’t really have a number five, but I am doing my obsessive compulsive thing and I needed to make this a complete list. So sue me.

1.27.07

K: 3 things i never thought i’d say in life…

1. Yay, I’m going to court on Friday!

2. I hope I pass my drug test! (Freakin poppy seeds)

3. I’m dating my way through Africa.

Your turn.

1.3.07

H: hum…i don’t know if this competes…(i mean, it is africa…) but i did have to spend several minutes today trying to calm down a group of kids after they read a book about aliens. a book, that they kept informing me, which CAME FROM THE NONFICTION section of the library. (that makes it the gospel truth.) and not only did it show the aliens poised and ready to cut into some kid (no i’m not joking) it also showed a map of the world with little alien heads representing where aliens most often visit. and, yes you guessed it, north america seems to be their favorite spot. it took every fiber of my being not to tell J that they dropped him off on one of their visits.

good times. and good luck with that drug test. 🙂
12.23.07

K: So my Grey’s girls and I were chatting last night and it went something like this:

“there’s no way i can make more than 35 grand in my field. how will i afford to go to hawaii?” – kim

“why don’t you just get a rich husband? like a doctor?” – friend

“eck. doctors are arrogant.” – kim

“well girl. just make him your FIRST husband. alimony baby!” – friend

“awesome.” – kim

12.23.07

H: absolutely love it. just don’t have any kids with him. that would totally screw uphawaii.

10.23.07

K: i’ve been watching the bachelor (dorky thing #1) and got curious about last years bachelor and tessa (because she’s a SW. dorky #2) so i looked them up (#3) and they broke off their engagement “but are still bonded to each other”. this pissed me off (#4). um…the end. so it seems that not only do facebook relationships annoy me…now real life/reality life ones do too! it might be smart just to get my own life…

10.24.07

hahaha. and it is not dorky to watch the bachelor. i am a faithful watcher. and we would have lives, if they were capable of being got. they are not.

one of my mom’s coworkers had a dream about MY WEDDING. what is going on with the world and everyone thinking that it’s past time for me to get married. on the other hand, i’m taking all of these things as a sign that someone is coming my way. be prepared with booze when i realize that they are just signs that i’m destined to be an old maid.

10.29.07

K: #4 LOL> i will be prepared my friend. that is one thing i can be. i will not however, be buying you a cat. so pick another old maid side-kick.

12.11.07

H: #4 – <student> was sent to iss for a day and a half for freaking out and throwing a huge temper tantrum after i changed his color for not admitting to (and no i am not joking) rolling his black play-dough into a poop like object, and walking around pretending to poop it out of his butt repeatedly. the result of his trip to the vice principals office requires me having to document his behavior from here on out with a “smiley” or “frowny” face every 20 minutes of every day.

#5 – all in all, it has been a hell of a week, like most of weeks are. there will be drinking this weekend. not a lot of it, because i am so so so poor and
because i am not an alcoholic. i will drink a few drinks this weekend so that i feel like the fun, sophisticated 22 year old woman that i am. you may or may not join me, although i do think just one or two would be in order for surviving a semester of graduate school.

#6 – whew. thank you for your time. i needed that.

1.22.08

H: also, i am wearing the short sequin tube top dress. start finding something scandelous.

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Oh. my. goodness.

KEEP CALM & GET YOUR SCANDEL ON! 😉

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Categories: Daily Drama | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Scattered Saturday…decor, food, & more!

Got a busy day ahead, but should be a good one. I won’t wish busy on you, but I will wish a big ol’ heaping of good on ya this weekend!

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1. The brother is moving in today. Dun, dun, duuuuuuunnnnnnnn!

I like to say that in a foreboding way…mostly because it just makes me laugh.

In reality I’m actually pretty excited about him living here while he student teaches and think things will go along just peach-ily. (I know that’s not a word. Roll with me here.) I’ve got the guest bedroom as de-girlified as I can, rearranged the closet to make room for some of his stuff, and pulled down his salt-free spices and seasonings from the pantry.

Here’s the before pics…

And here’s the after…

I think he’ll like that much better.

He’ll be very busy with student teaching, and he’s a very chill kind of guy…so we really have nothing to be worried about. It’s probably him that should be worried about dealing with our antics. (Like when he spent the night at our house a couple of weeks ago and I locked myself out of the house at 6 a.m….poor guy woke up to me beating on his window asking him to come and let me in before the neighbors activated the crime watch.)

So good luck brotha, good luck.

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2. I have two accounts on Facebook…a personal page and a professional page that I use to “friend” parents and post pictures of activities we do in class. I think I have 3 friends on that account. Probably not worth the effort, but I keep thinking one day I’ll convince the other parents that I don’t have the time or energy to cyberstalk them via FB.

Oh who am I kidding.

Anyway, I’m just here to tell ya that it feels a little weird when FB suggests myself as someone I “may know” and recommends I “friend” myself.

And it may be more than just a little sad that I chose not to.

It’s like the time the Wii Fit asked me if I had noticed an improvement in Chris’ posture. When I selected “No, not really” it in no uncertain terms told me that I probably should be spending more time with Chris.

Another sad fact? All I could think of after it said that was how I should probably stop weighing myself totally a-la-nude on the Wii.

I definitely don’t want any questions popping up on the screen about that.

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3. I went to a baby shower this week for a co-worker, and as I was oohhing and aahhing over all the sweet baby things, I realized how easy it could be to get swept up into the baby fever. (*No worries, I had talked myself down from that one before the gifts were even loaded in the car.) The idea of a baby bump came back to haunt me the next day at school…as I was getting something ready to do with the kids, one of them pointed at my belly and said “Hum…I think there’s a baby in there.”

Me: “Um, no. No there’s not a baby in there.”

All other students collectively: “Hey, yeah. It does look like there’s a baby in there!”

Me: “No, no really. No baby.”

Obnoxiously rude little people who should-think-before-they-speak-because-I-can-make-their-day-very-very-bad: “But it looks like it!”

Me: “I SAID SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET BEFORE YOU CHANGE YOUR COLOR AND HAVE TO SIT OUT AT RECESS!”

Yikes. Trust me people, that’s no baby. It’s the two batches of chocolate chip cookies my husband made, the shower cake that is still sitting out in the lounge to this day, and the mini-chocolate bars that I eat at least 6 of a day because “it’s still less than a regular candy bar.”

No bueno.

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4. Look at what I had for lunch.

Delish.

I’ve never made a tuna melt before, but the recipe was on the back of the package and it looked yummy. And it was!

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5. I carpool to work with my partner teacher and our principal. (Sounds kind of weird, but it’s not. We don’t actually talk about school that much…) Anyway, we stopped by a garage sale and saw this little beauty.

Okay, actually it’s a not-so-beautiful-right-now-but-has-potential foot stool. I commented on how much I love fun pieces of furniture, but that I’m on a spending freeze right now and had to pass it up. (Even though it was only $3…what a bargain!)

So imagine my surprise when my friend bought it for me! So sweet right?! Now I just have to figure out how I want to recover it and such. Stay tuned for the finished product!

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6. And finally, a public service announcement. If your camera ever says that it won’t do ANYTHING because the sd card is “locked,” then there is a better option than throwing it against the wall and stomping it with a pair of stilletos.

Take the sd card out of your camera, and look on the side.

See that little white switch? Next to the word lock? Push it up.

Voila.

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And that’s all I got for ya…how’d ya like that?!

KEEP CALM & EH…CUT BACK ON THE SWEETS!

Categories: Daily Drama | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

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