Body Image Confusion

I’m walking funny these days.

My back has some sort of catch in it.

The back of my ankles have blisters.

And, my legs feel tight.


Okay, enough of that. The reason for all this stiffness is my newest effort to achieve a healthier lifestyle. Thanks to my crazy end of the school year / beginning of summer schedule, aerobics has not been happening. It’s a shame too, because I was actually getting the hang of it…for the most part. She still managed to throw in a few crazy moves that I had some trouble with, but nothing like the horror of my first few tries. If you haven’t read Sweatin’ my buns off, then please pause to read that before you continue. Everything will make much more sense after that. 😉

Aerobics was great, and I could feel my body getting stronger, but I didn’t experience any significant amount of weight loss. That gets frustrating, ya know?

My closet doesn’t help any with the confusion either. To show you what I mean, I’m just going to put it all out there….totally honesty. I’m 5’6ish, so that should help with your perspective.

**I’ve been a size 8 for years…maybe I was a 6 in high school, but 8 has been the size for years.

**When I first moved to MW and was single and alone, I lost quite a bit of weight and was down to a size 6…even squeezed into a size 4 every once in a while. Kind of crazy. This is the size I was when Chris first met me…

**I inched back up, and when we married I was in a size 8 again, weighing in around 135ish pounds.

**I’ve continued to inch up, and within the last six months or so have given up the tight pants and moved into a few size 10’s.

Here’s where the confusion comes in, and it’s the main reason I try to remind myself to go for fit and ignore the size…I have a pair of American Eagle capris that I wear regularly. They are a size 6, and by the end of the day they’ve stretched out so far that they are falling off of me. I have some size 8 pants that still fit, some size 10’s. For camp I ended up getting size 12 shorts, because I needed them to be long enough, have comfortable room to tuck in a shirt, and not shrink up too much in the dryer.

So in my wardrobe, I have sizes ranging from 6 to 12. See the confusion? 😛

Okay, so forget size. Consider weight.

According to my Wii scale, today I weighed in at 151 pounds. Right at the top edge of what is considered healthy for my height…the Wii suggests that a healthier goal weight for me would be 136 pounds. Aka, pre-marriage weight. I literally gained the “newlywed 15.”

The lesson here is that I really need to a) stop inching up, b) acknowledge that my metabolism is catching up with me, and c) start developing realistic, healthy lifestyle changes that are attainable and will be sustainable over time.

I’m not looking to be super skinny or sculpted…the truth is that I’m just not willing to dedicate the gym time to accomplish either of those things. But I do want to make sure I am a healthy Heather who is around for a long time. There’s a difference.

I recently read a blog from “To Love, Honor, and Vacuum” called Women: Let’s Stop Feeling Bad About Our Bodies! (See why it would catch my attention?) She encourages women to stop feeling guilty for not looking like the photo-shopped images on magazine covers, to see the beauty that is in serving the Lord and caring for your family…no matter what your outward size is. I’ve been chewin’ on her words for a while now, and I find that it matches up with the word of God. He is the standard, and His idea of beauty is far different from that of the world.

So that’s why I want to be healthy (gluttony is a sin, after all), but even more than that I want to be beautiful in the eyes of my Lord. The reassuring thing about that is that if I will commit my ways to Him, He will help mold me into the healthy servant He desires me to be. I won’t have to do it alone!

But back to the soreness.

With all this in mind, and with an invitation from my sister-in-laws to run a 5k with them in October, I downloaded the “Couch to 5K” app and have started the first week of jogging/walking routines. I think I’ve even got Chris on board, so hopefully he’ll be running with me some as well.

For those of you who know me, and my athletic history, you know that I am not a runner. I pretty much hate it. So if I can pull this off, it will be by the grace of the good Lord above. Seriously.

How do you feel about your body? Do you see it through the world’s filter, or the filter of God’s word?

….And in case you haven’t heard it lately, you are beautiful, my friend. Much love!


P.S. – I forgot to mention the innovative new training Chris has started…sledgehammer-robics. He does all sorts of moves using a sledgehammer as the weight (he found some guy on youtube that does training videos) and he’s pretty into it. I’m thinking of getting a smaller sledgehammer and joining him…I think it would build him up if I had him “coach” me. Plus I’ve got weak little arms. 😉

Keep your eyes open for sledgehammer-robics…it’s going to be sweeping the nation! *wink*

Categories: Daily Drama, Lovin' the Lord | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Body Image Confusion

  1. I’ve been doing the Couch to 5K thing too! I’m on week two, and I have to say, I think I’m really getting stronger. Next week sounds a little daunting though! Good luck with it.

    • Oohhh good to know…I haven’t looked ahead, so I don’t know what’s in store in the next few weeks to come. Glad to hear you are getting stronger…it gives me hope! 😉


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