Runaway Patient

A lot of people are afraid of the dentist. Some internet sites go so far as to say that up to 75% of American adults suffer from some type of dentophobia. Maybe you are on of those people.

Me? Not so much.

I run away from the dentist for other reasons.

Mainly because they gripe at me and give me a “B-” on my dental report card.

For a “straight A” kind of girl like myself, that is just not okay.

Since I’m on the run from yet another dentist, and have an upcoming appointment with someone new, I think it’s worth taking a look at why I always become “the runaway patient.”

Sounds like we need to review my dental history. 😉


As a child, my parents took me to a dentist who specialized in treating children. And by “treating children,” I mean before he would see you, you had to sit in this little room and drink the “happy juice.”

And no, I’m not kidding.

After drinking the juice, you could come into the main part of the office. What I remember about this mostly includes sensory overload. Loudly painted walls, weird chairs to sit in, video games & loud tv’s. Of course, this could all be the “happy juice” talking.


At some point along the way, a dentist (not sure if it’s the same one or not) recommended that I have 6 teeth pulled. Yowsa! My parents decided that instead of paying the dentist, they would give me $35 per tooth that I could pull out by myself. Then, I could use the money to buy myself a new daybed.

Now, I don’t remember if those teeth were already loose, or if I got them all out using my sheer will for a $200 daybed…but what I do know is the dentist never pulled a tooth and I was sleepin’ good in my wooden day bed with the heart cut-outs.


Fast forward a few years. I was a tweenager and my darling little brother was in that phase where he didn’t brush his teeth or bath or anything along those lines. (Okay, so he probably did those things every once in a while. But ONLY when Mom made him and NOT NEARLY so much as a pubescent teenage girl does. Sorry bro, but you know it’s true.)

You can imagine my frustration when I would receive the aforementioned “B-” paired with a lecture and he walked out of there with an “A+” and a lollipop.

Gah the injustice of it all!


I did the braces thing a little later than most…I was a sophmore or junior in high school. Of course all I wanted fixed was my crooked bottom front teeth. That little problem was resolved in like the first 3 months, but the orthodontist found another years worth of things to work on. I begged to get them off before senior pics, swore I’d wear my retainer, and smiled my little heart out when I took those pics braces free!

As for the retainer…well, why are you even asking? Do you know where yours is?!


Had my wisdom teeth removed, nothing that exciting to report there. (Thank goodness!!! I’ve heard way too many wisdom teeth horror stories to want to go down that road…)


I know what you are probably thinking…”Why would this girl, who pulled six of her own teeth as a child while whacked out on happy juice, be a runaway patient as an adult?”

Basically, it comes down to this. I don’t like the lecture.

I brush twice a day, sometimes more. I floss regularly (even under the retainer that is glued onto the back of my front teeth!). I’ll admit I’m not super great at mouthwash…but two out of three ain’t bad!

And yet it’s never enough. They always think I don’t really floss (give me a break here…some people just have more plaque than others!) My gums always bleed. And I always get a lecture. So I’ll stick around for a few cleanings, then I get the itch to run.

I’m always on the search for someone who will just clean my teeth and leave me be. Or at the very least give me a little happy juice to get me through the lecture. 😉


P.S. – Mom, you may have some explaining to do. Leave a comment if you want to share your side of the story. 😉

Categories: Daily Drama | Tags: | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Runaway Patient

  1. Hummm….when you put it that way….it sounds bad! On my behalf, he wasn’t your regular dentist, but rather a pediatric dental specialist that we were referred to by the ligitmate dentist who I worked for….and besides….how is that so different from the nitrosoxide that everyone looks so forward to at the adult dentist. Just saying…..

  2. Mary Book

    I too was one that always got the lecture. It did not matter what I did, my gums always bled. I was told to mix Listerine and Hydrogen Preoxide 50/50 and rinse my mouth out with it. I will warn you that it is gross. It keeps bubbling after you spit it out. You just have to keep spitting. But it helped! You can use a little less Peroxide if it too gross. My last visit, I learned that if you take asprin it can cause you gums to bleed easier also. I said, “Well there you go. I take an asprin a day!” She finally did not lecture me. GOOD LUCK!


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