If you see me running…call 911!

Funny Confession Ecard: If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.

<source>

Don’t let my fancy running shoes fool you. I am majorly athletically challenged. 😛 Starting all this work-out business <which hurts so good> has got me thinking back on my life as an “athlete.” Read on to see why I have to put that in quotations.

**************************************************************

Childhood Years: The Highlights

*Softball: I played for one year on a team that was basically “for fun.” My friends were on it, so I thought it was pretty cool. The next year it seemed as though the coach actually expected us to win. Womp-womp. Let’s just put this out there right away: I am somewhat under-developed in the whole hand to eye coordination thing. Needless to say, I hated softball & it is the only sport my parents ever let me quit mid-season.

*Basketball: I played Little Dribblers all through elementary. My favorite memory was when my coach taught us to growl…somehow that didn’t translate to the aggression that my Dad was looking for. 😛

*Gymnastics: I’m counting this as a sport, because it takes extreme athleticism…and because I wanted to share this particular story. Another thing to remember about me…my size 11 foot. At the time of this particular incident I was probably in 4th or 5th grade and was wearing about a size 8. As my teacher was spotting me on a back handspring, she leaned forward…and I kicked her in the nose. She shook it off, said it was her fault, and told me to do it again.

So I did.

And by that, I mean I accidently kicked her in the nose again. And this time it broke her nose.

No lie.

My gymnastics career was also short lived.

************************************************

Jr.High / High School Years: The Highlights

*Cross Country: Did it all through Jr High & High school…and hated it every year. I was a senior on JV. Is that even legal by UIL rules?

*Volleyball: Not a big fan of the whole “sacrifice your body for the team” thing. By my sophmore year I was sitting the bench for both JV and Varsity. My parents did go to teachers or coaches much over me, but they did schedule a meeting over this one. According the coach I was “too good for JV, but not good enough for Varsity.” Which translate to: “she sucks so bad that we can’t afford to put her on the court, and we want her to sit on the bench and watch both games so that she’ll learn something.” I finished out the season and opted out the next year. No one was sad about that. 😛

*Basketball: Eh.

– I was fairly good in Jr. High because I was tall. Once I stopped growing and everyone caught up, my advantage was no more.

– I scored for the other team on at least one occasion. I think I accidently tried on a few others.

– I wore my Dad out because I wasn’t aggressive enough. <Which I can understand, since my philosophy was “Oh, you want this ball? If I don’t give it to me you are going to elbow me? Okay, here’s the ball.”>

– I enjoyed it when I was a sophmore on the freshman team…one game I was sooo close to fouling out <which I thought would be so bad-a> but the coach wouldn’t let me. That’s one of my life’s greatest regrets.

– My junior year (which ultimately ended up being my last) the coach yelled at me in a pre-season game for shooting when I should have passed. Thanks to a combination of my fear & stubborness, I never shot the ball during a game again. You can image my coaches frustration, and why he didn’t try to persuade me to change my mind when I told him I wouldn’t be playing the next season.

*Track: It’s safe to say that I peaked my freshman year. I ran the 800 (2 laps around the track) and was truly fairly decent. (That’s a shining review right?!) See how good I was?

It really was all downhill from there. By my senior year (Lord only knows why I was still putting myself through this) I was truly, truly awful. Incredibly slow. The coach stopped even trying to train me & during practice I was in charge of the timer and recording times on the clipboard. Then, at the end of practice, all the girls had to run an 800 with me.

Every race of my senior year went like this: I would get up to the line & look around to find the hefty girl. (Not trying to be rude here…but a lot of hefty girls run the 800.) I would think to myself “Surely I can beat that girl.” And then, every race, I would come in dead last.

Dead. stinkin. last.

People thought I wasn’t trying. I only wish that were the case.

********************************************************

College Years: The Highlights

Water Aerobics: I had to get PE credits people…so water aerobics it was. I kind of enjoyed it, but it was totally weird. We wore tennis shoes in the pool, line danced in the water, and used milk jugs as weights. *Note to my 80 year old self: water aerobics is pretty low-impact. Safe choice.

Yep. That pretty much covers it. I worked out here and there, took an aerobics class for a while, and the extent of my participation in rec sports was buying the t-shirts.

*********************************************************

So there it is. The whole dirty laundry list of my sports accomplishments. All I can say is…sorry Dad. 😛

KEEP CALM &  PRAY I NEVER HAVE TO RUN FOR MY LIFE!

Advertisements
Categories: Daily Drama | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

Post navigation

5 thoughts on “If you see me running…call 911!

  1. This made me laugh! Only because it sounded very similar to my own history. Thanks for sharing this! (ps-aren’t you glad in MW we never had a staff basketball game or race or anything where we would have had to display our “athleticism?”)

  2. No Matter what, you are my hero! You had the lady balls to put on shorts and run track in front of all those people?!!! Oh ma gyah! I could never do that!….i played volleyball once in 8th grade but then the coach kept forgetting to tell me when the next game was….sooooo…YUP! You’re a ROCKSTAR! Please send me your autograph and 8×10 glossy and make it out to kbean.

    • Bahaha…can you imagine how pitiful our team would be if you and I joined forces? 😉 All your encouragement definitely pumped me up…I’m gonna go shoot some baskets! Your autographed picture is in the mail!

  3. Pingback: Body Image Confusion «

KEEP CALM & COMMENT ON!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: