ROTFL

Hola friends. 🙂 Today I am opening my life even further for your entertainment…we are plunging into “The Facebook Files.”

I randomly stumbled upon 2 years (2006-2008) worth of messages exchanged between myself and my oldest/best friend, K. Over those two years we were seniors in college, then I moved to begin my teaching career and she moved to the city to work on her graduate degree. These messages (which have been edited) are a random sampling of our sarcastic view as we navigated our way into the world of “grownups.”

It should probably be said that everyone thought I was depressed for a large part of 2007.

And that when I get tired, or mad, or depressed, I resort to sarcasm. But in a nerdy way.

Don’t judge us.

**********************

9.6.06

K: Are you FRIGHTENED by the additions to facebook? I think it has hidden cameras and is going to post on the \”mini feed\” when I pee! Geez..I’m a stalker and all if the situation calls for it, but this has gotten out of hand.

9.7.06

H: and about the alcohol….good for you! it’s not like you were an alcoholic, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to quit. I suggest you start hitting chocolate a little harder. The stigma attached with being a chocoholic is not nearly so negative, and you don’t want to take your pants off after you’ve eaten 5 lbs. of chocolate every day for a couple of weeks. Just a thought…

9.28.06

H: ew….so and so’s status says that she is about to pop. LITERALLY. too much.

9.29.06

K: 1–when did \”pop\” become a synonym for \”giving the most precious gift of life\”?

2–i feel you on the resume business. i’m going to a resume seminar next Tuesday. excuse me? they have entire seminars for this? can’t i just say: sonic, chilis, BBBS, and crazy lady? that should work. we ARE OLD.

11.1.06

H: WTF?

 11.2.06

K: HAHA, Since when do you use “WTF”?

11.2.06

H: hahaha…i’ve actually been wanting to use it lately, and i thought it was pretty appropriate.

12.7.06

H: break is going to be super short…after christmas I have a week and a half of break left and then I go student teach. yuck. grown-up schedules suck.

also, i have decided to start writing my phone number like this: 555.555.5555 as opposed to this: 555-555-5555

it looks cooler.

12.7.06

K: That’s what they do on business cards. You’re a freaking professional now. Might as well write your phone number like it.

12.12.06

H: so he deleted my messages. it is better this way. i handled it suprisingly well…he is dead to me.

want to know what i miss though? i would sort of do this “nuzzling” thing to his neck/shoulder area. it sounds cheesy, but that’s what i’ve been
missing lately. i hope that my husband is good to nuzzle.

12.12.06

K: OH MY WORD> ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. ( I no longer abbreviate rofl because I feel at some point we have to grow out of the teenager messenger talk, don’t ya think?) I’m glad he took the deleting step. Now you both have clear facebooks and clear lives. 🙂   I’m sure your husband will respond to your smotherin…uh, “nuzzling”. I miss putting my hands on a hard chest. What am I saying? I don’t miss it. I continue to do it. To random people. Who cares.

12.12.06

H: #1 – It’s a good thing you didn’t put rofl…i wouldn’t have known what it meant. i don’t like to abbreviate things. except for your name.

#2 – How can you hate and love someone at the same time? My love life is such a contradiction.

#3 – I don’t know that I can just go around nuzzling random people…I can’t see that working out for me.

#4 – I hope you didn’t shoot yourself in the head. There are less messy ways to whack yourself.

#5 – I don’t really have a number five, but I am doing my obsessive compulsive thing and I needed to make this a complete list. So sue me.

1.27.07

K: 3 things i never thought i’d say in life…

1. Yay, I’m going to court on Friday!

2. I hope I pass my drug test! (Freakin poppy seeds)

3. I’m dating my way through Africa.

Your turn.

1.3.07

H: hum…i don’t know if this competes…(i mean, it is africa…) but i did have to spend several minutes today trying to calm down a group of kids after they read a book about aliens. a book, that they kept informing me, which CAME FROM THE NONFICTION section of the library. (that makes it the gospel truth.) and not only did it show the aliens poised and ready to cut into some kid (no i’m not joking) it also showed a map of the world with little alien heads representing where aliens most often visit. and, yes you guessed it, north america seems to be their favorite spot. it took every fiber of my being not to tell J that they dropped him off on one of their visits.

good times. and good luck with that drug test. 🙂
12.23.07

K: So my Grey’s girls and I were chatting last night and it went something like this:

“there’s no way i can make more than 35 grand in my field. how will i afford to go to hawaii?” – kim

“why don’t you just get a rich husband? like a doctor?” – friend

“eck. doctors are arrogant.” – kim

“well girl. just make him your FIRST husband. alimony baby!” – friend

“awesome.” – kim

12.23.07

H: absolutely love it. just don’t have any kids with him. that would totally screw uphawaii.

10.23.07

K: i’ve been watching the bachelor (dorky thing #1) and got curious about last years bachelor and tessa (because she’s a SW. dorky #2) so i looked them up (#3) and they broke off their engagement “but are still bonded to each other”. this pissed me off (#4). um…the end. so it seems that not only do facebook relationships annoy me…now real life/reality life ones do too! it might be smart just to get my own life…

10.24.07

hahaha. and it is not dorky to watch the bachelor. i am a faithful watcher. and we would have lives, if they were capable of being got. they are not.

one of my mom’s coworkers had a dream about MY WEDDING. what is going on with the world and everyone thinking that it’s past time for me to get married. on the other hand, i’m taking all of these things as a sign that someone is coming my way. be prepared with booze when i realize that they are just signs that i’m destined to be an old maid.

10.29.07

K: #4 LOL> i will be prepared my friend. that is one thing i can be. i will not however, be buying you a cat. so pick another old maid side-kick.

12.11.07

H: #4 – <student> was sent to iss for a day and a half for freaking out and throwing a huge temper tantrum after i changed his color for not admitting to (and no i am not joking) rolling his black play-dough into a poop like object, and walking around pretending to poop it out of his butt repeatedly. the result of his trip to the vice principals office requires me having to document his behavior from here on out with a “smiley” or “frowny” face every 20 minutes of every day.

#5 – all in all, it has been a hell of a week, like most of weeks are. there will be drinking this weekend. not a lot of it, because i am so so so poor and
because i am not an alcoholic. i will drink a few drinks this weekend so that i feel like the fun, sophisticated 22 year old woman that i am. you may or may not join me, although i do think just one or two would be in order for surviving a semester of graduate school.

#6 – whew. thank you for your time. i needed that.

1.22.08

H: also, i am wearing the short sequin tube top dress. start finding something scandelous.

******************************

Oh. my. goodness.

KEEP CALM & GET YOUR SCANDEL ON! 😉

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