…and we’re, gonna see B & A get married! Well hello there everyone…turns out that I did get a chance to blog today after all. Before you pass GO and collect $200, please read the following warning:
WARNING: The theme of this post is weddings. There will be some mushiness. There will be some gushiness. There may even be butterflies in your stomach / tear in your eye moments. (Or there may not be, depending on how you feel about love.) So just proceed with caution!
(*Also, if you do nothing else, please scroll to the bottom of this post and check out the links I’ve added. They are the reason for today’s blog, and I’d hate for you to miss them because of my wordiness.)
Yesterday the husband and I drove into Lubbock to attend / be a part of a special wedding…tux in tow. (Chris is in the wedding party…not gonna lie about being excited to see him in a tux again.) You would think we would be holding hands, reminiscing about our own wedding, practically swooning with little hearts and birdies circling over our heads.
Not so much.
As opposed to the giddy, caught up in love, footloose and fancy-free aura of our vacation to San Antonio just a week or so ago, we weren’t doing much talking. And what we were doing wasn’t so sweet. Ah the ups and downs of making it work day to day.
(*To the parents & in-laws who read this blog: Please don’t worry over this post…we aren’t having serious problems or anything. We always appreciate your prayers, and we’re already on our way to playing nice again.)
Before we go on, I can promise you that I’m not going to start griping and complaining about my husband via blog land. It wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t make me feel better, and it wouldn’t fix anything. What I will say is that we’ve just had an off couple of days. He knows it, I know it, and we’ve got the hurt feelings to show it. It’s amazing how ones’ innocent intentions can be lost under layers of tones, how one sharp word can cause a string of sharp words, and how quickly an inch of disagreement can become a mile of physical separation. Although we both admittedly don’t want to behave or respond in the manner we’ve been doing, it’s like this crazy carnival ride that we’ve had a little bit of trouble getting off of. …
Actually, it reminds me exactly of something called “The Crazy Cycle,” which is referenced in the awesome Christian book “Love & Respect.” (I’ll have to talk to you more about that another time.) Basically the crazy cycle occurs for one of two reasons…A) the wife does not feel loved through a comment or circumstance, so she responds in a way that is viewed as disrespectful by her husband or B) the husband feels disrepected by his wife either through word or action, so he responds in a way that she views as unloving. Hence, the cycle. Get the picture?
That’s what’s been happening here, and the good news is that I know how to fix it! (Why it’s taken me two days, I don’t know. Stubborn flesh I guess.) I can get off the crazy cycle by showing my husband respect, most specifically through my words, no matter how I am feeling. My feelings should not be what prompts my reaction to him, because God has commanded me to respect him…that should be the driving force. As I show him respect, the odds are that he will respond in a way that fulfills my need for his love. Simple? Not by a long shot. It will require us to put down our selfish, defensive desires, to recognize that we have each chosen to marry a well-intentioned person, and for each of us to place the other ahead of ourself. No easy task, but that’s what marriage is. A struggle to stamp out yourself and your own selfish nature in order to love/respect your spouse as God has commanded.
Sounds romantic, right?
Maybe it doesn’t cause visions of hearts and cupids arrows to spring to your mind, but I can see beauty in the fire. God has a powerful tool in my husband and our relationship….He can use Chris to rub away my rough spots, melt me to cleanse away impurities, to sluff off the sludge of selfishness and self-righteousness. It’s not always fun or pretty or painless, but it is necessary as a follower of Christ, and I am committed to accepting it and working through the hard times with Christopher.
Now I know what you must be saying. Where is the MUSHINESS? Where is the GUSHINESS? WHERE IS THE HAPPINESS?!
Well for me it was right there all along. The mushiness comes in when I think of how my husband kept getting up to get me warm wash clothes when I was upset at our behavior, how he held my hand, and how he apologizes with such sincerity. The gushiness when I think about how blessed I am to have a husband who walks through the fire with me. And I’m already feeling much happier from just working out my thoughts and realizing that we’re going to be just fine.
But if that doesn’t do it for you, then I’ve included links to a few *lovey* songs that you MUST go check out. They are just beautiful…trust me!
Matthew West, When I Say I Do http://youtu.be/J87IEnoRByE
*This one was part of B & A’s slideshow last night, and it’s what set this whole post into motion. It softened my heart toward my husband, and reminded me to prove to him today why I said “I Do.”
Brandon Heath, Love Never Fails http://youtu.be/8nQy-aP_Koo
*This was the song we had at our own wedding, and in listening to it again tonight I’ve decided that it’s going to be the lullaby I sing to my babies one day. It is a reminder of Christ’s love for us and the love Chris & I have pledged to one another.
Mark Schultz, He was Walking Her Home http://youtu.be/_ODSx0UfAcA
*And this is where you’ll need the tissue box. YouTube referred it to me, and I found a beautiful love story in its words.
KEEP CALM & LOVE ON!
P.S. – An Update: I wrote most of this post around midnight this morning, waiting in the hotel for Chris to come back from hanging out with the guys. He barely made it back inside the door before we were both apologizing and calling a truce, so all is well again. (Now if we can just keep that ol’ crazy cycle from rearing its ugly head again!)